


The Universe can't handle this much Awesome

by Mayaiai



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II
Genre: F/F, F/M, Short Story, Three Hawkes walk into a tavern, three hawkes, updates irregular
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-01
Updated: 2016-02-15
Packaged: 2018-05-17 13:15:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5871034
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mayaiai/pseuds/Mayaiai
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Three Hawkes. Three Classes. Three Lives. One Kirkwall.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Where’s the punch line?

Hawke blinked.   
Hawke blinked.   
Hawke blinked.

“Right - I am way too sober to deal with this.” she said, and stormed off to the bar of the hanged man.

“Yes, because the obvious answer would be getting drunk.” another Hawke sighed, pinching her nose, “Get me something.”

“Me too,” the third Hawke called out.

It didn’t take long for the first Hawke with two daggers strapped to her back to return with three pints. The other two watched as she managed to set them all down on the table without spilling a drop, and proceeded to drink from her mug.

The other two quickly followed suit.

“Alright,” Hawke said, gently placing her mug down, “Three Hawkes meet in the Hanged Man. One a mage, one a rouge, and one a warrior. Where’s the punch line?”

Mage-Hawke glanced over Warrior-Hawke’s shoulder, “I don’t know about a punchline, but I have a feeling there’s going to be punching.” she sighed.

Warrior-Hawke and Rouge-Hawke looked in the same direction that Mage-Hawke was looking. Several dark clad men with swords and daggers.were walking over to them, “We’re here to kill the Champion.” the leader snarled.

Rouge-Hawke waved a hand around the table, “Take your pick.” she commented, then glanced at the other two, “I would be correct in my assumptions that you too, singlehandly defended the city from a Qunari Invasion?”

Mage-Hawke grinned, and Warrior-Hawke nodded her head, “What can I say, we’re just that awesome.”

“If you won’t tell us which one of you is the Champion - we’ll kill you all!”

Mage-Hawke groaned, “Why do they always think they can kill us? I mean - _took down the freaking Arishock_.” “Yes, you’d think that’d at least give the idiots pause.” Warrior-Hawke commented, scanning the group of would-be assassins. “Can’t help stupid, I suppose.” Rouge-Hawke sighed.

The battle, as expected, was short. It ended with two blood covered Hawkes and one clean one.

The clean Mage-Hawke raised her staff and the blood on the other two disappeared. The three sat down at their table and resumed their drinks.

“I’m guessing magic went wrong somehow?” Rouge-Hawke suggested, making Warrior-Hawke groan, “When doesn’t it?”

Mage-Hawke clicked her tongue, “This could be a dream I’m having, and Demons are trying to tempt me.” she paused, looking at her duplicates, “If that’s true, I really need to question the demon in charge. Duplicates? How is that supposed to tempt anyone?”

Rouge-Hawke shrugged, “Ask Isabella.” she answered, taking a large drink from her mug.

Warrior-Hawke frowned, “Wait - let’s say all this is real… and that’s asking a lot, are we in my Hanged Man? Your Hanged Man? Or your Hanged Man?” she asked, looking at Rouge-Hawke and Mage-Hawke both.

A grin lit up on Mage-Hawke’s face, “Lets ask Aveline!”

 

_Cut to Aveline’s office. There’s a knock on the door. She walks over and opens it and sees three Hawke’s standing there. She shuts the door._


	2. Stranger Things happen all the Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang get together to talk about the Hawkes.

“I had a dream about this once.”

The three Hawkes were surrounded by their companions. Isabela was peering at them closely before she straightened up. “Though, it involved much less clothing.”

“Do us all a favour, and shut up.” Aveline scowled at the pirate. “This is serious.”

“It can’t be that serious,” Rouge Hawke piped up. “Now when I have to attend Noble stuff, I can send one of them!”

Mage Hawke laughed. “Not me!”

Rouge Hawke grinned, and looked at Warrior Hawke. “Looks like it’s you. Tough break.”

Warrior Hawke gave Rouge Hawke a rude finger gesture.

Aveline pinched the bridge of her nose and muttered something under her breath, suspiciously like; “Sweet Maker. Three of them. Three.”

Anders shook his head. “I’ve never seen anything like it.” He said in amazement.

Mage Hawke looked at him. “My question is, who is in where? Am I in Rouge’s timeline? Or is she in mine? Or are we both in Warriors?”

“Rouge?” Rouge Hawke asked.

Mage Hawke nodded her head. “Well, it’s not like we can call each other Hawke.”

Varric chuckled. “What about Spikey,” a nod to Rouge Hawke. “Sparky,” Mage Hawke. “And Sharpy.” Warrior Hawke.

‘Spikey’ laughed, and ‘Sparky’ grinned. ‘Sharpy’s lips twisted up in amusement.

“Can we please get back to working out why there are three Hawkes, please?” Aveline said, grabbing everyone’s attention.

Merrill leaned in. “I remember all of you.” the Dalish said. “I remember Hawke defeating the Arishok with magic, a big sword, and daggers.”

All of the others started to nod their heads. “Though, I seem to have stronger memories of Spikey.” Isabela said, arcing an eyebrow at the Rouge in question.

Rouge Hawke grinned. “Well, it’s a good thing you’re my girlfriend then.”

“I remember all of you too,” Anders said, but his eyes landed on the Mage Hawke. “But you are the strongest.”

Mage Hawke grinned. “Love.” She said softly.

Warrior Hawke looked at Fenris. “Any proclamations of love from you?” She asked.

Fenris chuckled. “I know you’ll do it for me.”

“So what does this mean?” Mage Hawke asked. “You all remember all of us, but our partners remember us the most, but still each other,” she put a hand on her head. “I have a headache.”

“What if - ” Merrill started, her eyes growing wide in thought. “What if you’re all in your own time, and each others time at once?”

Warrior Hawke frowned. “So... we’ve what? Crashed into each other?”

“I don’t tknow about any of that,” Rouge Hawke said, a lrage grin forming on her face. “But I do know that Meredith will freak.”

Mage Hawke snorted. “She’ll probably declare it Blood Magic and try to have us killed.”

Warrior Hawke raised an eyebrow. “I’d like to see her try.” She said, and then patted her hefty longsword over her shoulder.

“I wanna go visit the Gallows now, just to see her reaction.” Rouge Hawke grinned.

“Before you three go setting off paranoid Knight-Commanders, how about we deal with the whole ‘Three Hawke’s thing?” Aveline interrupted their plotting. “If you three are all stuck here, then we need to work out what we’re going to do. People will notice that there’s suddenly three of you.”

The three Hawkes glanced at each other. Mage Hake shrugged. “This is Kirkwall, Aveline. Stranger things happen all the time.”

Aveline pinched the bridge of her nose. “Trust me - this is a thing that will attract attention.”

Warrior Hawke hummed. “It’s simple. We don’t go out together, except to the Hanged Man because it’s filled with drunks, and we make sure we won’t cross paths so that no one sees us together outside of this estate.”

Aveline stared at her for a moment, before nodding her head. “Perfect. You two got that?” She narrowed her eyes at Spikey and Sparky.

In unison the two salute and said, “Yes, ma’am!” in the same slightly cheeky voice.

They looked at each other in surprise, then grinned and laughed.

“Should have kept that door shut.” Aveline sighed.


	3. Hawke Sandwich

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Three Hawkes + Two Hawkes = Confused Hawkes

In the few days that passed, no one outside of their group had noticed that there were three Hawkes.

Which, all things considered, was probably a good thing.

The three Hawkes were laying about in the living area of the mansion, throwing a balled up letter at each other (one of those spam ones) which Dog was watching with half interest.

There was a knock on the door.

Mage Hawke looked over at at, frowning slightly. Bodahn walked into the hallway, ready to open the door up.

The Hawkes got to their feet.

No one was supposed to come by today.

Actually, everyone was busy.

Mage Hawke glanced at the other two. "You two go into the Library. Come out it's one of the others."

The two did as was suggested, and Mage Hawke sat down in her seat again, listening as she heard Bodahn speaking, and another voice. A very familiar voice.

Which was getting louder.

"Sister! What did you do?!"

"I plead innocence!" Hawke jokingly replied as Carver came into view. "Whatever it is must be serious for you to take a busy hour out of your day to visit little ol' me!"

The scowl on the face of the Templar didn't lighten.

"What did you do?" Carver asked again.

Hawke sighed. "You have to be more specific. I do a lot of things. Even more lately."

"This one would stick out." Carver said, but before he could continue, there was a smash. Carver and Hawke looked over to the library door, to see two stunned Hawkes there, and the remains of a glass on the ground.

Carver looked from the two Hawkes to Mage Hawke and then back again.

"What's going on?"

A third voice, from the hallway. Mage Hawke looked up and saw a young woman standing I'm the doorway with long black hair wearing a Circle Mages robe.

"Bethany?" Mage Hawke murmured at the same time Rouge and Warrior breathed. "Carver."

It was a blur of Hawkes as Mage Hawke ran over and scooped Bethany up in her arms in a giant bear hug, and Rouge and Warrior ran over and both enveloped Carver in a massive hug at the same time.

"Don't you ever do that again, Carver!"

"Sweet Maker Beth! I missed you so much!"

"Carver! You're alive!"

This continued for a short while, until Carver seemed to get over the confusion and pushed Warrior and Rouge off of him. He looked between them, then at Mage, who still held Bethany in a tight embrace, and then shut his eyes.

"Does anyone want to fill me in?" He asked, opening his eyes to look back at Mage Hawke. "Why is there  _three of you?"_

"Because the world needs this much awesome in it, baby brother." Rouge Hawke responded, her eyes softening. "Carver - you  _died_. An Ogre - when we were escaping - Lothering. You  _died!"_

Carver shook his head. "No - no I didn't! Bethany did."

"I remember you dying Carver." Bethany spoke up. "But why are there three of you."

Mage Hawke reluctantly let go of Bethany. "We have no idea. But we're different classes. What do you remember us practicing?"

"Magic." Carver crossed his arms over his chest. "Always a Mage."

Bethany blinked. "I remember... you being both a warrior and a rouge? I remember you killing thugs with a long sword and daggers? And - in Lothering I remember you practicing Magic with me and Father too - but - but that stopped after we fled Lothering."

Carver crossed his arms over his chest. "If we go that far back - then yeah, I remember you being all three. Maker, Sister, what did you  _do?_ "

Mage Hawke flung her hands in the air. "I didn't  _do_ anything! They just turned up! And as far as they're concerned, I just turned up! Everyone remembers me being all of them! Except, Anders remembers loving Mage me. Isabela's with Rouge me, and Fenris with Warrior me."

Carver rubbed his hand over his face.

"You won't tell anyone about this, will you, Carver?" Rouge Hawke suddenly spoke up. "If Meredith finds out, she'd be down here faster than she could say 'it must be blood magic!'"

Mage Hawke made an unhappy face at the idea.

Carver sighed. "I'll keep your secret, Sister," he blinked. "Uh... sisters... But if this knowledge comes out - and you have to know that it will, then I need your guarantee that you'll make sure to keep me out of it."

All three Champions nodded their heads. "Of course. And we'll keep you out of it too, Bethany." Warrior Hawke said, looking at their sister.

Bethany slowly nodded her head, seeming to be in something of a daze.

Carver glanced at Bethany, then at the other three Hawkes. He shook his head once more. "I'd better get you back before too long. Knight-Commander Cullen only gave us a short amount of time."

The three Hawkes slowly nodded their head, but then at the same time, the three of them pulled the other two into one giant Hawke filled hug.

Dog jumped over and joined in the middle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bit of a short chapter. Sad stuff happening in real life. Comment prompts and things you want to see the three Hawks get up to. Any time in those three years between Act2&3 :)


End file.
